It's like...

I turn corners just to find another corner... and at the end of the day I can't help but feel like I've been lead in circles. Challenges never stop hitting me square in the face, in fact they only seem to get worse. I'd be a liar if I claimed to never question my journey, or whether or not I'm good enough to make it in this industry. Right now everything just seems too big... I'm out of money... I'm struggling to improve my craft at a rate that just might prove itself beyond my ability. I'm tired, scared and ashamed that no matter how hard I work to break down walls I can't so much as manage to open a simple door. Something has to give... Something has to change... There are days when I consider giving up. I literally weigh the possibility of making music for sport vs. survival and in the end the scale always sinks in favor continuing the struggle, but at some point I fear that things will change not because I want them to, but because they have to. How much longer can I continue to put loved ones at a disadvantage? How much longer can I depend on the good will of those who believe in me? How much longer can I fail at chasing success? There are plenty who would remind me that I've already been successful, but the fact of the matter is that success is up to me and as of now I am not satisfied. Making an honest attempt is an accomplishment, but it's not good enough for me. I refuse to lower my standards in order to accept mediocrity. Life doesn't work that way for me. No matter what happens, the album will come out... but there's a good possibility that it will be the last you hear from me. I hope it's not the case, but it just seems like the door isn't opening because it was shut a long time ago. Peace.

-Dekk-