Monday, March 1, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
We allow money to disconnect us from everything. I often struggle to feel something when I create and it's because I've learned to create with monetary aspiration in mind. In fact, my studio sessions always end with a "can I sell this?"
People worry more about the cost of wedding than it's purpose, more about the status symbol of a home than it's ability to shelter and raise a family. I am guilty... Guilty of teaching myself not to feel... not to care... And now I feel homeless... I used to live less and love more and I miss it... There is a unique beauty that can only be brought to light when times are tough... It's as if the universe noticed that I forgot to feel and decided to send me a reminder and after all this time and effort I'm finally learning that music is an art that must "mean something" to it's creator. Listeners can interpret it however they like... but the source must be pure.... Funny thing... There was a time when I was 1/10th the artist, but my creative process was 10 times more true to the source. These days I don't even know the source. If someone asked me "what inspires you?" I honestly wouldn't know how to answer...
that's sad... especially when there are so many things in my life beaming with energy. The lover who gives her last dollar so that I can continue my journey. The Mother who offers a roof in my time of need. The Father who gifts a working vehicle so that I can get to and from studio sessions. The grandparent that leaves "I love you" on my voicemail knowing that I'll forget to call back. The friends who buy lunch, dinner and drinks. The fans that take a moment out of their day to send an email. The random acquaintance that leaves a genuine, helpful comment on a silly blog. I won't bore you with the entire list... you get the point... Now it's time for me to get the point.
ahhh... clarity is refreshing :-)
Monday, February 22, 2010
I turn corners just to find another corner... and at the end of the day I can't help but feel like I've been lead in circles. Challenges never stop hitting me square in the face, in fact they only seem to get worse. I'd be a liar if I claimed to never question my journey, or whether or not I'm good enough to make it in this industry. Right now everything just seems too big... I'm out of money... I'm struggling to improve my craft at a rate that just might prove itself beyond my ability. I'm tired, scared and ashamed that no matter how hard I work to break down walls I can't so much as manage to open a simple door. Something has to give... Something has to change... There are days when I consider giving up. I literally weigh the possibility of making music for sport vs. survival and in the end the scale always sinks in favor continuing the struggle, but at some point I fear that things will change not because I want them to, but because they have to. How much longer can I continue to put loved ones at a disadvantage? How much longer can I depend on the good will of those who believe in me? How much longer can I fail at chasing success? There are plenty who would remind me that I've already been successful, but the fact of the matter is that success is up to me and as of now I am not satisfied. Making an honest attempt is an accomplishment, but it's not good enough for me. I refuse to lower my standards in order to accept mediocrity. Life doesn't work that way for me. No matter what happens, the album will come out... but there's a good possibility that it will be the last you hear from me. I hope it's not the case, but it just seems like the door isn't opening because it was shut a long time ago. Peace.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Today has been a good release... Got a good 6+ in the studio... Didn't finish a damn thing, but I definitely have some drafts to come back to. I go through stages where I simply cannot finish an idea in one day. There is something fascinating about the energy that circulates around the creative process and as a result I bypass the sequencing, editing and mixing stages. I really need a copilot who can keep me in line.... for now I'm on my De La ish... just me, myself and I!! Chyuh!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Your answer to this question says a lot about your character.... Can you be satisfied with just the chocolaty wafer or do your senses yearn for a swamp of buttery? Do you prefer kittens or greasy fingers? Burnt orange or golden? Infectious tunes or Bart Simpson?