we need couples therapy...

Music and I, that is...

I'm starting to feel myself drift into a creative disconnect...

business is in the drivers seat instead of craft.

I can remember the times when I would spend days wrapped up in samples and instrumentals completely unaware of what it would take to have them heard. Nowadays I find myself making music because of how it sounds rather than because of how it feels. It reminds me of my previous relationship where I would often say "I love you" out of habit. Eventually I lost track of whether or not I actually ever meant it...

I'm starting to wonder if I really "mean it" when I'm in the studio these days...

I know that for the sake of image and business I probably shouldn't be admitting this right now... Frankly I don't give a fuck... Between a day job, hardly sleeping and copyright law it has become nearly impossible to gather the energy needed to create inspired music. Coffee makes me nervous... Alcohol makes me tired... and right now I feel lonely. Not lonely in terms of romance or friendship, but in terms of my relationship to music... Something is missing... the chills... the butterflies... the loop that never gets redundant...

There is a balance to be had between art and commerce... right now I'm stumbling... The good news is that I refuse to fall.

Two worlds.

-Dekk-